And Now for Something Completely Different...

Whew, that last post was a bit heavy. It has been brewing in my head for a while. I told you I had been doing a lot of thinking.

Anyway, I have been thinking about getting a new TV. The one I have works pretty well, but some of these new HD TVs are AWESOME. The clarity is by far superior. I am not much of a TV watcher, but now and again I go through these phases. Right now, with all of this free time, it has been top of the mind.

I am thinking flat screen, plasma, HD...the works, but I don't want to spend thousands of dollars on it so I have come up with a SWEET solution...

I just hope my landloard doesn't mind the mess.

On second thought...I will just stick with what Ive got. My place is too small for something like this.

There Goes My Hero

“It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.” ~Author Unknown

Back then…1994…I was not afraid of who I was, I was afraid of who I wasn’t. I was really afraid of the unknown. I mean, at age 23, who wouldn’t be. I was fresh out of college. I had the luxury of a great job right out of school, but in my mind I was going down the path of least resistance, not the path to me that ultimately would be sustainable. A lot of my friends really struggled to find “the” job out of college at the time. I was lucky. I was recruited to the dream job, a ski rep. I eagerly took the job. I mean, who wouldn’t. I had a van full of skis, a salary, benefits and a sick expense account. My alternatives were to return home and work at Ski Shop Santa Cruz, or stay in Santa Barbara and continue working at Mountain Air. Both of which I loved, but it was time for me to branch out. I took the job.

Life was great. I was living a fairytale of sorts. I worked hard. I was in my element, and I loved it. Yet, in the back of my mind, I knew I was not living to my potential, just what came easy to me.
After not even a year, I was promoted to the craziest job in so many ways. Looking back, I still can’t believe what I did, where I went, the people I met, and I actually got paid for it. I was traveling the globe, working on skis and boots for some of the greatest skiers (my heroes) in the world at some of the greatest ski places on earth. I was always on the road…and never the same place twice. Life was in fast forward, and I knew I was like a surfer just trying to hang onto the wave as long as I could…at almost any cost. Life was easy, I worked hard and I was good at what I did.

Over a brief break at home in Squaw Valley for New Years, I met this woman that would forever alter my life. I had no idea what it all meant at the time, and I still don’t to this day. We dated for a while and even went on a vacation to Cabo together. In the end, we broke up the next summer. During our relationship, I began to get this uneasy feeling. She was looking for what I thought was a fairytale. Something so unrealistic to my reality that I passed it off as such, unrealistic. At the same time, I took note because not understanding her really bothered me. I knew that I was having a hard time understanding what she was about. She just graduated from college as well. She moved to Tahoe to live the dream of skiing in California, and maybe find a job. But what she really dreamed about was writing. Writing, skiing and me. That’s what she wanted. Her supposed fairytale.

Yup…she, a writer, and I, a corporate ladder monkey. In my mind, while we both loved to ski, her dreams were noble yet unfounded. I wanted measurable success, and she wanted an immeasurable fantasy. She wanted the fairytale. We wanted complete opposites, or so I thought. I was bothered by such discrepancy, and I took note despite my lack of understanding and appreciation. We were in love despite our differences (at least I was), which made breaking up hard. I was promoted yet again and had to move to Southern California so I broke up with her. It was one of the hardest things I had to do to this day, yet, it seemed so logical at the time. Two different dreams, and two different places. Simple math. I still remember how hard I cried the day she drove back to the East coast. I called Seth, and all I could mutter was, “She’s gone. She’s really gone.”

The biggest thing that bothered me was how much I felt for her but how little I understood and appreciated her and what she wanted in life. I mean, really. Who could shun reality and go after their dreams? Who could set aside all convention, pay no attention to the naysayer, and actually go after what makes one happy? And how could you really justify doing what you truly love if it was not measurable in the eyes of others let alone your bank account? Who REALLY lives their dreams????? Yet, underneath it all, deep down, I understood it, I even envied it, yet I just could not logically quantify or justify it in any certain terms. Ironically, it sounds familiar to me now...

Well, it was that episode that shaped my adult life. I was so bothered by how I let somebody whom I loved go, how I moved away from a place that I loved and how easy it was to let go of who I am that to this day it haunts me. I knew I was doing something terribly wrong, but I sided on the path of least resistance. The day I drove a moving van out of Squaw Valley and pointed it towards Long Beach, effectively ending my relationship, I knew something was fundamentally wrong with me. I was on the wrong road…and I knew it. But…hey…when you get to a junction in the road…take it…right? Little could I know that this was exactly the path I would take to find myself...

A few years went by, and got progressively worse as I got farther from who I was and closer to a person who I loathed. One day, things started to fall back into place. Inspired by the person whose dreams and desires I could not understand at the time and ran away from, I let go of who I thought I should be, and started to grasp who I am, and who I dream to be. I took to heart what I could not allow myself to be, yet inherently am, a dreamer. I decided to do what was right for me, not necessarily easy to do. I took the path less traveled for once. I realized that in order to survive, and to be a happy and complete soul, I needed to live my dream no matter how different it may be from conventional wisdom. No regrets, no guilt and most of all, on my terms. The first steps back were excruciating, but necessary.

My ride back to who I am has been the greatest journey (read all of my past entries). I have many people to thank for allowing me to live my dream. Without the support of so many, I would never have achieved such mediocre success. Seriously, the friendships that I have forged and survived through the past years have meant the world to me. I am here today thanks to all of you. Sadly, the one person I have to thank the most for inspiring my journey has left me in the past out of self preservation and cannot believe the person I have become, the dreamer. I guess the tables have turned. I am the dreamer and she the logical, cynical doubter. Serves me right I guess…

Today, watching one family member slowly forget life as it rapidly slips away, while another frantically fights for life reminds me…life gets shorter everyday, and I cannot go another moment without telling you this, though you probably won’t hear me…

I adore you for daring to dream. I admire your courage to live in the direction of those dreams. I am forever thankful for your inspiration. Now I understand.

Enjoy your ride…Happy Thanksgiving

Epiphany Ride: Europe

Col du Petit St. Bernard (FRA)

It's been a while...I know. Believe me...I know. I appreciate all of the "where's the update?" mail. I have missed writing, it's just...well...I needed a break to get my shit in gear and time to think about the meaning of what I was doing. It is quite emotional to end a career, even if it is on a high note. But all is good.

I have not really had a chance to actually sit down and just breathe for quite a while. I got scared the other morning as my alarm went off. I actually woke up in this weird place that I sort of recognized...my own bed. It's true. I had a hard time remembering where I was. I have really not been around since I left for Mt Washington Hill Climb back in August. I was home for a couple of days then it was off to Worlds in Canada. After that I was home for a couple of days then it was off to Europe for a couple of weeks. Upon my return (of one day) I boarded yet another plane and went to work at Interbike in Vegas for the week. I finally got home ...and decided that I couldn't stay at home. I needed to get away from the pending pile of duffels and bikes that sit piled in my living room, so I left for the weekend. I needed it. I managed to sit by a lake, without my bike and just breathe. It probably sounds weird, but you should try it sometime. It feels great.
Since then, I have done a lot of reassembly to the other parts of my life. When you spend as much time on the bike as I did, a lot of things get pushed aside. So now I am in the process of doing all of those things I set aside reluctantly or not. Lately, I have reunited with friends and family, managed to get in some epic riding in the Sierras before the winter sets in, and worked on my new career at Clif Bar. Many of you have asked me if I have had a problem settling in to my new job and my new life. Do I miss what I was? The simple answer is no. It was time. I was ready to give it my all and then be satisfied with the results. I loved EVERY second of my time training and racing. There was not a pedal stroke that went by that I did not appreciate. But as the saying goes, "Life goes on." I still love riding my bike, and that is the way I always want it to be. But I love a lot of other things too.
My travels have given me so much perspective on life, and it is the bike that has provided me with these opportunities. To sum up what I have seen and learned would nearly impossible.
I will provide stories and pictures as time warrants, but for now let me just share a defining moment...
As a ride leader on MS Global, I was able to share in many personal victories as we rode around Mont Blanc in September. The third day of MS Global, the skies opened up. Rain and wind with the possibility of snow were the forecast. We were to climb the highest and longest pass of the entire trip, Le Grand St. Bernard from Switzerland to Italy. The last 15k was some of the toughest stretch of road I have seen on a bike.
I rode with a strong group of riders, of which a few had MS. For one person in particular, it was her first time riding in Europe. She had no idea what was in store for her coming from Houston where the highest point there is the pitchers mound in the Superdome. We were riding over the shoulder of Mont Blanc. No easy feat even for a seasoned rider like myself. She had it in their mind that she was going to conquer the climb of the day no matter what. With me riding in support…every pedal stroke of the way offering words of encouragement, I caught a glimpse of a Serono rider ahead. It was at that moment that I had an epiphany. In front of me was a Serono Rider. Without Serono and the MS drugs they produce many individuals with MS would not be able to ride a bike, go for a hike or just maintain a quality of life. Right behind me was one of the fundraising cyclists. Without fundraising efforts of the cyclists MS research would not be funded. On my left side was the van with the staff. Without the Tyler Hamilton Foundation and the staff we would not all have come together. And on my right was an individual with MS, determined to reach the top. We all need each other, one depending on the other. MS Global is about community, working together in the fights against MS.
I highly recommend doing something like the MS Global. It is a life altering experience in which you will not only challenge yourself physically, but you will enrich the lives of many in the process.

More to come soon, I promise. For now...

Enjoy the ride.

A Whole New World

Long time since I posted....I know, but I have been busy. Europe, Vegas, Tahoe, Pinecrest, Marin, Tahoe....Just because I have retired does not mean I have stopped riding. It just means I can ride wherever I want, whenever I want, however I want...or not at all.
I am off on yet another adventure this weekend; My cabin, to grab one more high Sierra mountain bike weekend before the snows hits. This time with the hooligans that got me into 24 Hour racing way back in the day. (I can say that now...right?)
Upon my return, I will start posting again. I am ready. I have lot's to share. I've been doing a lot of thinking.

Till then, Enjoy the Ride!