Why?

Someone dear to me recently asked me ...Why? Why didn't you give up?

I often ask myself that same question and many more...Why hang onto a dream for so long? Why become a professional bike racer so "late" in life? Why give up so much to do all of this? There is no simple answer.
I did not live a "Normal" teenage life. No, I lived an extraordinary life as a teen and a young adult. Growing up in Santa Cruz, the norm for a kid was soccer, baseball, football, volleyball and surfing. All of which I did, and well. The extraordinary part was I was fortunate enough to also be a ski racer. (Thanks mom and dad!) Instead of sitting at home on weekends and getting into trouble, I was on the first lift ride Saturday morning for training. I was most likely to be the last one off the mountain on Sunday afternoon, getting in one last run, before the four hour car ride to my normal life in Santa Cruz. It was a privilege to do what I was doing, and I did everything I could to maintain that privilege. It took discipline to get to the levels I did. Upon graduating from high school, I deferred college to move to Lake Tahoe full time to chase my dreams. I was fortunate. I raced on some of the greatest mountains in the world. Unfortunately, my dreams were cut short by compression fracture in my back. It was pure perseverance that took me to such heights in the ski racing world, especially coming from a surf town. It was that perseverance and focus that were to propel me through my next challenge.
Quickly, I shifted my laser focus on school and the ensuing career. I powered through college at US Santa Barbara "with great vengeance and furious anger." In typical fashion, I took as many units and as many pre-reqs as I could. Just like skiing, I focused on the goal with blinders on. I struggled hard, persevered, soldiered on and made it. I did manage to enjoy a cold beverage or two, and make some life long friends, but my drive to settle in on a career outweighed everything. I never really enjoyed those beers...I just gunned them maybe cause I was in such a rush . Months before I graduated I was recruited by Salomon Ski Company. I managed to take my finals early so I could attend a sales meeting and get to work. No summer in Europe like a lot of friends did. I couldn't wait to get to work.
I was on a roll. Green lights and open road. I lived in Tahoe, I was a ski rep for arguably the greatest winter sports company on earth, and I was moving at the speed of light. I was going places. What I didn't realize at the time was it was going to take me places, places I never intended on going. It also took me away from places and people I never intended on leaving. One January morning in 1999 I woke up, staring at the ceiling and wondering what happened. Where was I? Who was I? Where did "I" go? That day, I got a life altering call unbeknownst to me at the time.
Ring-Ring...Hello?
Seth- "Dude, a couple of guys from my office and I are doing the 24 hours of Moab in October and we need one more, are you in?"
Me- "Dude, of COURSE I'm in."
Seth- "Great, I'll call you later, I gotta go."
I sat there for a minute or two, wondering what the HELL is 24 hours of Moab, then I called him back to ask.
Me- Ah, it's a relay mountain bike race...okay...I guess...yeah, hell yeah, I'm totally in. I will put together a training plan and e-mail it to you."

And with that I was on a new focal plane. The bike was my vehicle back...

My bike became my therapist. It allowed me to slow down and think about things like where I was and what was I doing there. Where did "I" go? How do I get back??? Eventually I started to realize that my perseverance and determination are what got me lost. The sad lesson from my quest for Olympic glory as a ski racer was not: 60 MPH body vs. Tree; tree wins every time. Nope. The lesson was; I was so focused on the outcome, that I lost sight of the true value, the journey. I don't remember a thing besides the race courses and the finish lines of the greatest downhills on earth. Same goes for School. I never slowed down enough to soak in the education in and out of the lecture hall. When it came to work, I was even worse. I ruined friendships and ditched love because career took precedent. I found myself a long way from "Home" with nothing to show for all of the effort because I failed to open my eyes, and my heart to the experience of my journey.

Now the first thing you are probably doing is looking at my schedule on the right side there and saying, "Well, he has not changed. Look at all of those races. He'll never slow down." Well, I gave up a lot things that I worked hard for, yet had no meaning to me. I created a second chance for myself. A second chance at a meaningful journey, a second chance to do it right. They are not races to me, they are part my journey back to "Me".

This time, when the journey as a Pro Mountain Biker comes to a close, and it will, soon, I will not be left with empty memories and disappointment. This time I will ride away from the venue once and for all having enjoyed every second of every kilometer on and off the bike and everybody I have ever come across along the way. I will take with me life altering experiences and a sense of fulfillment. I will never stop riding, but there is more to life now.

So when you ask "Why didn't you give up"? Well, it is because it is more important than everything I gave up to get back.

Enjoy the ride.