Changes in Lattitudes, Changes in Attitudes...

Today's training ride would have been a lot more fun if my water bottles had Captain-n-Coke in them, a spinnaker rig on my handlebars and some Jimmy Buffet on the Ipod (I don't even own any Jimmy music). It reminded me of my days at Long Beach Yacht Club and all of the Catalina Island races I had been in. At one point I looked down during an interval and I was going 9 miles an hour upwind, not uphill, and I was anaerobic. If I took a swig of Captain-n-Coke at that point, I would have chirped for sure. As I rounded the corner way out by Nicassio reservoir where the wind really rips, it was just like rounding the upwind mark in a boat race...I started my downwind leg of the ride. Next interval, I am doing 50mph, and below my target effort, just like popping the chute on a boat, high speeds and little effort. Now, hand me that Captain-n-Coke...
I miss sailing. Living in Long Beach, I had it good all year long. Palm Trees, a boat to sail almost any day of the week and some sort of race just about every weekend if you wanted it. Being good at foredeck got me a ride on some of the great boats in the area, as anybody can grind a winch or tail a sheet, but running foredeck took a bit of brainpower, and some courage (or stupidity). Going up the mast when the boat is ripping along at 10 knots, swaying to and fro to retrieve a line was not for the faint at heart. I was always scared, out of respect for the boat (and the person hoisting me). It made me forget I was living in a town of 12 million. I'll be back on a boat...just as soon as I finish this one last interval...
If I could just win the lottery....

Timing...

4am...on the road to race in some cow poke town in the central valley. I need coffee...

My good friend Seth occasionally reminds me that life really comes down to a few defining moments. I know this is one of those times...

It is wondrous how life twists and turns. You arrive at these moments where your life can take a turn, and your mood or your desires at the moment will determine the new route you take. Timing is everything, what once did not seem right, now is poetically moving in how right it is so you move in that direction. And timing makes all the difference.

Today was a matter of luck. Bad luck turned good all because of a seemingly insignificant, yet painful decision...
Today was my first race of the season. A road race. A flat, fast road race. Not my strong suit. I prefer the dirt, and a lot of vertical. So today, I was out of my comfort zone in many ways. My goals were simple, to get a good workout in, reaquaint myself with the pain cave, and stay upright. My tact...to attack early, get into a break and ride it out as long as I could for the workout then fight to the finish but stay safe. To my amazement, I executed my plan exactly as I had anticipated. I followed an attack as soon as we rolled out of the neutral zone and onto the course. That didn't stick for very long. Our group of 5 was absorbed into the main group. Soon thereafter another group of people attacked. I waited till they were clear, did a headcount to see who was in there, then I attacked and bridged up easily. This was perfect. We had 8 strong guys and we started to work together pretty well. Some better than others. We were flogging ourselves for most of the day to stay away. I don't know exactly what our gap was, but I estimated it to be somewhere around a minute or so. This could be the winning move I am thinking, and I am sitting on some serious horsepower from all of my training thus far in to the season. I was riding conservatively. As the kilometers rolled on, people started to get tired, the pace slowed some despite the efforts of some of us. With 30k to go or so, the chase group behind started to get anxious and turned up the heat. We were doomed. My own time checks were telling me that any severe effort now would be fruitless. Myself and Garrett from Olympic Club sat up and wished them well. We chatted for a few minutes before we were once again caught by the main group. Now I just have to stay in the main group (easy) and finish upright, avoiding any crashes. I was nervous. There are 90 guys hurtling down a country farm road inches from each other with tons of potholes and cow manure with only a thin sheet of lycra protecting us in the case of an "inadvertent water landing." ( ...ummmm I have one question for the airlines when they say this over the intercom during pre-flight instructions. How many "inadvertent water landings" has the pilot successfully executed???) Something didn't feel quite right. Images of friends and loved ones pop into my head...but I push them out, I have to focus if I want to survive this.
The road gets abhorrently bumpy to where you can't really focus, just pay attention to the blurry image in front of you and gauge your distance based on the size of the image. Suddenly, I hear a pinging noise...it's me...something is wrong. I try to look down at my bike to quickly diagnose, but fearing for my life I look ahead again. the noise gets worse. Okay, something is broken. I look down one more time and notice that my bike computer head is dangling off of my bars and inbetween the fork and the wheel. I manage to reel it in and place it back on the mount to only have it jump off the bar again.

Okay, quick decision time. Do I let it dangle and risk it jamming and causing a much bigger problem or do I pull out of the race, so close to the finish and fail my objective for the day. I opt on the safe side and slowly roll to a stop. A wave of anger, then sadness comes over me. I sat on the side of the road for a moment to gather myself. I slowly roll to the finish line to watch my teammates finish.

"CRASH, CRASH, CRASH" over the race radios. I turn to look down the course to see my group in a heap 500 meters from the finish. My bad luck and subsequent decision to drop out was a stroke of good luck. I avoided a season ending crash. Everyone was alright, despite the massive amount of road rash on some poor folks.

Sunrise over the Sierras

Today, like many times in my life, I made a choice that was hard to make, and initially was tough to handle, but in the end, it was the right timing that made it so significant. Just when it seemed wrong, it was right.

"Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today. " Mark Twain

Go Time!

Sorry I have not written...I have been preoccupied with lot's of good stuff. I am busy putting on my game face for tomorrow's race. More news upon my return...

Procrastination 101

This morning was a true treat. It was so great, that I had a hard time focusing on the training goals for the day. Everytime I did an interval, I paid myself a reward and stopped to take in the views.

It was from this very spot on Alpine Lake that I decided to move to Marin. It is hard to believe that you are only 12 miles from San Francisco. This is a mere 20 minute ride from my house. Ridgecrest Rd. is famous for all of the car commercials...and you can see why. It's also one hell of a climb on a bike. Part pleasure with the endless vistas of the Pacific on one side, and today you could see the snow capped Sierras on the other. And part pain, with the "7 Bitches". Seven nasty pitches along the ridge as you climb up the Northern shoulder of Mt. Tam.
And finally, my favorite roadside creek on Bolinas-Fairfax Rd. Everytime I ride by, I want to stop and take a picture...so today I did.

I'm doing everything I can to make it happen, including enjoying the journey.

Enjoy your ride...

Why?

Someone dear to me recently asked me ...Why? Why didn't you give up?

I often ask myself that same question and many more...Why hang onto a dream for so long? Why become a professional bike racer so "late" in life? Why give up so much to do all of this? There is no simple answer.
I did not live a "Normal" teenage life. No, I lived an extraordinary life as a teen and a young adult. Growing up in Santa Cruz, the norm for a kid was soccer, baseball, football, volleyball and surfing. All of which I did, and well. The extraordinary part was I was fortunate enough to also be a ski racer. (Thanks mom and dad!) Instead of sitting at home on weekends and getting into trouble, I was on the first lift ride Saturday morning for training. I was most likely to be the last one off the mountain on Sunday afternoon, getting in one last run, before the four hour car ride to my normal life in Santa Cruz. It was a privilege to do what I was doing, and I did everything I could to maintain that privilege. It took discipline to get to the levels I did. Upon graduating from high school, I deferred college to move to Lake Tahoe full time to chase my dreams. I was fortunate. I raced on some of the greatest mountains in the world. Unfortunately, my dreams were cut short by compression fracture in my back. It was pure perseverance that took me to such heights in the ski racing world, especially coming from a surf town. It was that perseverance and focus that were to propel me through my next challenge.
Quickly, I shifted my laser focus on school and the ensuing career. I powered through college at US Santa Barbara "with great vengeance and furious anger." In typical fashion, I took as many units and as many pre-reqs as I could. Just like skiing, I focused on the goal with blinders on. I struggled hard, persevered, soldiered on and made it. I did manage to enjoy a cold beverage or two, and make some life long friends, but my drive to settle in on a career outweighed everything. I never really enjoyed those beers...I just gunned them maybe cause I was in such a rush . Months before I graduated I was recruited by Salomon Ski Company. I managed to take my finals early so I could attend a sales meeting and get to work. No summer in Europe like a lot of friends did. I couldn't wait to get to work.
I was on a roll. Green lights and open road. I lived in Tahoe, I was a ski rep for arguably the greatest winter sports company on earth, and I was moving at the speed of light. I was going places. What I didn't realize at the time was it was going to take me places, places I never intended on going. It also took me away from places and people I never intended on leaving. One January morning in 1999 I woke up, staring at the ceiling and wondering what happened. Where was I? Who was I? Where did "I" go? That day, I got a life altering call unbeknownst to me at the time.
Ring-Ring...Hello?
Seth- "Dude, a couple of guys from my office and I are doing the 24 hours of Moab in October and we need one more, are you in?"
Me- "Dude, of COURSE I'm in."
Seth- "Great, I'll call you later, I gotta go."
I sat there for a minute or two, wondering what the HELL is 24 hours of Moab, then I called him back to ask.
Me- Ah, it's a relay mountain bike race...okay...I guess...yeah, hell yeah, I'm totally in. I will put together a training plan and e-mail it to you."

And with that I was on a new focal plane. The bike was my vehicle back...

My bike became my therapist. It allowed me to slow down and think about things like where I was and what was I doing there. Where did "I" go? How do I get back??? Eventually I started to realize that my perseverance and determination are what got me lost. The sad lesson from my quest for Olympic glory as a ski racer was not: 60 MPH body vs. Tree; tree wins every time. Nope. The lesson was; I was so focused on the outcome, that I lost sight of the true value, the journey. I don't remember a thing besides the race courses and the finish lines of the greatest downhills on earth. Same goes for School. I never slowed down enough to soak in the education in and out of the lecture hall. When it came to work, I was even worse. I ruined friendships and ditched love because career took precedent. I found myself a long way from "Home" with nothing to show for all of the effort because I failed to open my eyes, and my heart to the experience of my journey.

Now the first thing you are probably doing is looking at my schedule on the right side there and saying, "Well, he has not changed. Look at all of those races. He'll never slow down." Well, I gave up a lot things that I worked hard for, yet had no meaning to me. I created a second chance for myself. A second chance at a meaningful journey, a second chance to do it right. They are not races to me, they are part my journey back to "Me".

This time, when the journey as a Pro Mountain Biker comes to a close, and it will, soon, I will not be left with empty memories and disappointment. This time I will ride away from the venue once and for all having enjoyed every second of every kilometer on and off the bike and everybody I have ever come across along the way. I will take with me life altering experiences and a sense of fulfillment. I will never stop riding, but there is more to life now.

So when you ask "Why didn't you give up"? Well, it is because it is more important than everything I gave up to get back.

Enjoy the ride.

Wake up and pay attention...

So, as most of you know by now, Ty lost his Appeal to CAS to overturn his two year ban. CAS informed him that the decision would be rendered this past friday the 10th, and would go public at 3:00pm Swiss time on the 11th. So, I jumped on a plane after work on Thursday night to be there (in Boulder) for him on Friday, good or bad. No panel of arbitrators could ever influence my loyalty to friendship or my wholehearted belief in Tyler's innocence.
I have read the entire 34 page decision a few times now. I have also read a document that capitulates the facts of the case that are MAJOR points of contention. I realize that I am by all means not a medical expert nor an attorney, but I am an educated person, and after fumbling through the two documents, I have come to my own conclusion. Tyler Hamilton is innocent. Read for yourself and come to your own conclusions. But I warn you to not just read the decision without reading the facts sheet as well. Each of those points of contention were raised in the proceedings, yet most were completely ignored in the decision. Almost like the CAS board had selective hearing and random reasoning.
Ty and Haven were saying that in the proceedings, the CAS board had asked USADA a lot of tough questions of which they had no concrete answers for like why were they using a test in August of 04 with admittedly accuracy and validity problems of many sorts, while the lab did not receive certification for the test till 5 October 0f 2005. Hmmmm....That's a tough one...what say you USADA? (enter silence.......a cricket chirps...darkness falls....still no answer) and it was like that for an entire day of cross examination. In the decision, the CAS board was willing to overlook this fact stating that eventually, the lab did receive accreditation and that was satisfactory. So, in this logic...say you get pulled over for drunk driving, it's okay, because later, in the drunk tank you will eventually sober up and no longer be a drunk driver. At least that what the CAS is saying.
Or how about this one...How is it you (USADA) can explain that your accuracy is even remotely reliable when originally the lab technician MIS-TYPED the blood? Okay...STOP...this is killing me...Come on...that's a rookie mistake. (after reading all of this stuff, I even know how to type blood...) Yet, in the decision...there is no mention of this...hmmmmm. Is somebody asleep at the steno machine??? Instead, the board claims that there is no reason to believe that human error is any explanation for the mixed population of blood. Yeah right.
Ty felt like during the proceedings the board was fair and the onus was on USADA to prove their Swiss cheese case and they were failing miserably on multiple accounts. Yet when the decision was written, it was like someone else wrote the opinion, someone with an interest in building a greater precedence for future cases despite all of the obvious reasons to clear Tyler Hamilton of any wrongdoing. Again, I urge you to read the opinion and the case facts sheet and decide for yourself. Pay close attention to the facts and how the decision either skirts them or dismisses them altogether with some whacked crack pipe logic.
One final note, I find it interesting that USADA receives it's funding from WADA. Additionally, WADA funds the labs that conduct the tests. WADA is headed by Dick Pound who is very vocal about his contempt for cyclists, especially American Cyclists. Maidie Oliveau, one of the three CAS board members in Ty's case, was Associate Vice President with the Los Angeles Olympic Organizing Committee. She managed the Corporate Relations Department which handled all of the 1984 Olympics' sponsors, suppliers and licensees. In 1984, Dick Pound was responsible for delivering NBC as the major TV sponsor for the Olympics, key marketing engine for Maidie Oliveau's Corporate Relations Department. It just makes me wonder who is doing what for whom?
The foundation for the anti-doping movement hangs in the balance on this case. If Ty won, then clearly, the system is flawed and Boss Man Dick Pound loses his funding and his integrity. So Ty loses, WADA catches the big one (and some more hefty funding), and a little American cyclist with a big heart is left with a tarnished medal, and without a race to ride in. All because someone made a little mistake in some lab in Switzerland. Dick Pound better man up and admit that there were mistakes, because you don't want to be caught in a Hamilton Hurricane, just ask some of Ty's fiercest opponents on the road.

From Sun to Snow......

Boulder, CO- I'll explain why I'm here later. Nick and I went for "A little training ride" up Sunshine Canyon to Ty's place to get some fresh air and to shake the legs out. I have a new found respect for those of you FOOLS that train in Boulder. You can have that. It was so cold! And the icy roads and lack of pavement...forget it. I'll take the warm rains, mudslides and floods of Northern California any day. 18 degrees...forget it man. Silly rabbit. Snow is for skiing.

It just made me wish I was here

Going Home

Something has happened!!!

First thing in the morning I usually check the weather forecast to see how much rain is going to fall and if I need to even consider bringing water bottles or not. To my astonishment this morning, the weather was supposed to be nice. REAL nice. We're talking 70 degrees nice. I immediately am thinking, somebody is pulling a prank on me and set a dummy weblink on my browser. So I checked a second website out at one of my favorite riding areas, Point Reyes National Seashore. When it is clear and not windy, this is the ultimate place to ride. It is so beautiful with nary a car. Well, the webcam picture that came up was this:

So now I am pumped. I start fixing food, bottles, and getting dressed. I'm thinking, "Hey, maybe I can start tanning my poor legs that have not seen the light of day since the THF ride in Arizona, WAY back in mid December." I throw on a pair of knee warmers instead of the compulsory winter leg warmers. I'm for sure going to get a head start on the leg tanning today...

Then again...Maybe not.

So I head off into the still dark morning with newly exposed skin. At first it's COLD...but as the sun starts rising, sure enough, the air gets remarkably warmer. My plan is to follow the route of Stage 1 of the Tour of California which commences next weekend. Of course I have to get to work so the entire route will not be possible, but the most beautiful part will be, Highway 1.

Once I get up and over the hill from Mill Valley (and away from the constant attraction to stop at Peet's Coffee for a quick top off), the temperature soared. I was out of the shadows of Mount Tam and into the great wide open. For me there is nothing more therapeutic than a large body of water tempered by a dramatic mountain backdrop. Maybe that's why I love living in California so much. You can't go wrong with the California coast and the gem of the Sierras, Lake Tahoe.

I was recently reminded by TW of a rather embarrassingly pretentious statement I made ten years ago. "There is no reason to leave California. It has everything anyone could possibly want." Back then, I was trying to talk TW out of moving back to the East coast, back home.

So the whole morning, I am trying to tame my enthusiasm for the awesome day I am fortunate to have on the bike. The weather and the surroundings has me amped. I am riding harder than my training plan calls for today. I need to settle down, but it is hard...because it feels so effortless and easy. My eyes (and camera) are taking in the sights all the while, TW's recollection of my statement ("There is no reason to leave California. It has everything anyone could possibly want") keeps resounding in my mind. I thought about it most of the day.

A day like today makes it hard to believe that anyone would ever want to leave such a beautiful place...but I can think of many reasons...about 35,893,799 reasons to name a few. Well...minus one or two... but I know now that just because I love this place and it represents home to me, does not necessarily mean that it was or is the same for TW. I came to the conclusion that I was being an immature, ethnocentric idiot with selfish intent. And with that, TW, I am sorry. I just wanted you to stay around. I don't blame you for wanting to get back to where you felt at home, because there is nothing like that feeling. I too moved away (just to Southern California, not across the country), only to find myself wanting to do everything I could to get back home, despite leaving a life behind. I made it back, but I know there are other places I could go and feel AT home while not being HOME...I just have to be better at selecting those places.

But Damn...I love this place!

(addendum: I was reminded that TW returned to Tahoe two additional winters and is currently planning on returning to Tahoe permanently.)

Believe!

Believe... ...That you can make a difference every day...

"From: Deirdre Moynihan [Tyler Hamilton Foundation]

Sent: Thursday, February 02, 2006 9:59 AM

To: 'Nick Damner'; 'Patrick Bush'; Patrick Kelly; 'Andrea
Collette'; 'Sarah Holmes'; Terry Fina

Subject: FW: good morning!

Hey All,

I thought you would enjoy this – James... was a great local racer and strong rider –
successful real estate – but MS has taken it’s toll – he is still spirited and still rides but no racing...

Deirdre Moynihan
Executive Director Tyler Hamilton Foundation
PO 20727
Boulder, CO
80308
303-443-8THF (8843)
www.tylerhamiltonfoundation.org


From: James ...

Sent: Thursday, February 02, 2006 6:33 AM

To: deirdremoynihan

Subject: good morning!

Hi D!

...The[MS Global] route? Well it's the dream of my lifetime come true. I have always said that this is exactly what I wanted to do, tour route, with a tour rider like Tyler, but never really thought I would for some reason or another. Just between you and me, it made me cry a little bit this morning.
Thank You for bringing this amazing opportunity into my life.

Love James

Hello My Friend...We meet again

TW, It was great catching up with you last night.

To all of you waiting to hear some news on Tyler...hang just a little longer. I think we should know something next week. As soon as I can, I will let you know EVERYTHING. I promise.

Since I am sure you all are getting pretty tired of pictures of rain...(I know I am) I figured I would take us on a little journey South of the border to Puerto Vallarta. It's all I could think of the last hour of my soggy ride this morning. Not just PVR, but Cabo San Lucas too. I wish I could click my heels three times and be there. Especially when about the third hour in the rain, your shoes are about as full as they are going to get and the water comes gushing out of the tops with every pedal stroke for the next hour or so. Sorry...we were talking about Mexico...The fish tacos at this little stand in San Jose del Cabo called Rossy's Taqueria...oh those would have been good when it started to really rain out in West Marin when I was doing my third interval through Samuel P. Taylor Park. It's crazy what rambles through your head out there. Wait, STOP! Mexico...remember? There was this one time in CSL when all we did was wake-up...jump in the pool...on the way to the beach. Swim in the waves. Jump back in the pool on the way back from the beach. Grab some pesos. Get some Chips and Salsa and beers at the bar...IN THE POOL. Return to the condo, take a nap, grab a book, and sit by the pool. Swim. Nap, Repeat. I have worn out another drivetrain on my bike. My chain nearly exploded within 10K of my house. I think all of the rain and the mud and sand on the roads are really wreaking havoc on the bike, not to mention the body....One night in CSL we awoke to the sound of a Mariachi band seranading a couple outside the balcony of their condo. They played my favorite mariachi song, Guadalajara. I will never forget that night. It was a warm night, with a full moon shimmering off the water...Typical for Mexico. I should have eaten better for my ride. I brought plenty of the new Clif Shot Bloks but because of the inevitable hypothermia setting in, I could have brought the whole box and still not had enough. Trying to eat late in the ride while weaving in and out of traffic and trying to preserve the final bit of my chain that was about to break made for a grand finale...Snorkeling at Santa Maria Cove in CSL and Los Arcos in PVR was pleasant. The water was relatively warm and the views were spectacular. On the contrary, the times I have been out to Lands End, I could sense the Pacific's cold waters intruding. Not to mention the crowds of people and all of the water Taxis. CSL and all of the tourists just does not appeal to me nearly as much as San Jose del Cabos and PVR. So, the workout wasn't pretty, but I got'r done. I can rest up for my next adventure tomorrow morning. Till then, have an ice cold one waiting for me in PVR Aunt Kathy and Uncle Joe. I'm already there in spirit.